Dear Flabby...

Once in a while I will read a 'Dear Abby' column in the paper.  This is mainly to revel in other people's misery, short-sightedness, and a general lack of being rooted in reality.  These people make really bad decisions, and they only seek out the enlightened answers from Abigail Van Buren.  This is a widely syndicated column, and I found that people enjoy it.  However, you need a second opinion sometimes, so I figured I would assume the role of Abigails younger brother, Ted.  Ted Van Buren will now start offering a second opinion...

DEAR ABBY: My father absolutely refuses to turn off the ignition when fueling his car, despite the warning signs at the pump. How can I convince him to stop endangering himself and my mother? -- WORRIED DOWN SOUTH
DEAR WORRIED: Motorists are instructed to "Stop Motor" while refueling for good reason. Gasoline is highly flammable. However, it is not actually the liquid that burns. Even at temperatures as low as 45 degrees, gasoline gives off vapor.
It is the vapors that ignite. Gasoline vapor is heavier than air, so when it ignites, it does so at ground level. All it takes to create a violent explosion is fuel vapors, enough oxygen and a source of ignition. A spark from a cigarette, a hot exhaust pipe, faulty wiring, static electricity or the vapor reaching an open flame -- all can cause gasoline vapors to explode.
Please show this item to your father. Perhaps it will convince him to be more safety conscious. If there is an attendant at the gas station your father frequents, frankly, I am shocked that the person hasn't insisted your father turn off the engine.

Dear Down South,
My sister once again fails to see the big picture, as she usually does.  I am going to venture some guesses as to why your father seems to be endangering you: 
1.  This is a pretty simple equation to solve (Family + Gas + Ignition Source = No More Bullshit).
2.  I am willing to guess your Dad probably enjoys a smoke while he pumps gas.
3.  I bet also that you arrived to the gas station via eastbound in the westbound lane.
4.  Your Dad may be the classic southern thrill-billy that we learned to love with the Duke boys, and given the fact that you and your mom have sucked every last resource from his broken soul, he can no longer afford a "General Lee".  He is obviously seeking alternative ways to find a "thrill", as gas station explosions tend to give the adrenaline a little jump.
5.  Ask Ted Nugent about signs posted by the government, I dare you. 
6.  If your Dad doesn't take advice from signs posted next to the gas pump, clearly he will take advice from my sister.

Enjoy the ride Captain Paranoid,
Love,
Ted Van Buren